light up your life

“got a light?” or “need a light?” these are additional lines that you can add to your repertoire for opening a conversation with a girl that you chance upon a bar… mall… office… just about anywhere. if you have overused the “miss, anong oras na?” line…once too many... then try these lines… someone suggested to me before. but of course, you have to follow through… and actually smoke!

nah, this won’t be about opening lines… nor pick up lines… it’s all about smoking. i was watching discovery channel a few days ago and was mesmerized with the ‘good’ effects of nicotine. the narrator goes “nicotine affects the part of your brain – the reward center. when this is stimulated, you feel good. this is the same part of the brain that is stimulated when you feel – (1) full after a meal, (2) feel relaxed after massage, (3) feel satisfied after having sex”. say that again?! yeah, you heard me right. it’s the same reward center. so am i saying that smoking is the same thing as sex? how can - a stick of rolled paper and bunch of dried up tobacco leaves compare with the great experience of pro-creation (or the act without actually creating). i was out to determine the truth.


experiment one: smoking versus food. i skipped a meal and had cigarettes instead of a buffet of meat and rice. now before some smart mouth says that i actually ATE cigarettes… i smoked instead of eating. ok? after several sticks and a regular helping of water once in while between puffs, i felt full. sure, the cigarette doesn’t taste at all like your favorite steak and gravy but i wasn’t hungry anymore. i was just looking for dessert after that. discovery channel was right!

experiment two: usually, i get so high strung when stuck in traffic. you would be too if you tried driving – rush hour, makati area in the philippines, then you have jeepneys (local public transport) and buses trying to vie position in front of you.. beside you… everywhere! if i had a gauge for my blood pressure or stress level in my car same as the temperature for my engine, i think it would’ve burst a long time ago. so there i was, putting the cigarette in my mouth, lighting up. mind you, i made sure that the stress level that time was high – close to me, putting down my window and showing the finger that disagreed with everything that was causing undue stress. (yeah right, the pinkie). anyways, even before i finished my first stick, i was feeling pretty relaxed. coupled with bob marley saying “everything’s gonna be alright…” in the background, i would be raising two fingers instead of one. take my lane why don’t you. sure, go ahead, don’t mind the scratch that you just made on my bumper trying to get in my lane… i can wait forever in this traffic… wait let me light up another… peace mahn! discovery channel was right!

by the end of the discovery channel’s documentary about smoking, they were now showing the ill effects. saying that it was addictive, causes chemical imbalance in the brain, resulting in emotional balance. eventually showing pictures of lungs inflicted with cancer, emphysema and other medical terms that if they didn’t scare you – be scared that you can’t spell them at all. that’s when i stopped believing that discovery channel was right.
what about the third ‘good’ effect of nicotine you might ask… i was determined to prove that this too was correct. but then again, who would want to substitute the real thing for a stick of cigarette?